Bradley Cooper Wisely Ditches 'The Crow' Remake

Relativity Pictures, you are playing in God's domain. Some things should just be allowed to die. They are meant to be dead. It's the natural order.

Yes, I'm well aware of the irony that I'm being so emphatic about this regarding their "The Crow" remake, but how abundantly apparent does it have to become that fate is passionately against this happening?

No sooner does would-be "Crow" Bradley Cooper step away from the production because he's committed to filming "Paradise Lost" when this travesty-and-a-half would start shooting in the first quarter of 2012, then "28 Days Later" director Juan Carlos Fresnadillo starts talks with two more A-listers to take up the mantle.

Specifically, according to The Hollywood Reporter, he's in talks with Mark Wahlberg and Channing Tatum. It's nothing necessarily against either actor. I'll put aside that Wahlberg has so many productions in various stages - including a sequel to "The Fighter" and his attachment to the long-in-Limbo "Uncharted" video game adaptation, and the fact he's already once rejected the role.

It's not necessarily even anything against Tatum, because there's no serious reason to hate him in the role.

But the project has been through so damn many drafts by this point. It's been through so many potential stars. It's faced so much vocal opposition from the Brandon Lee original film's fans. This won't end well.

Arguably the lamest possible twist in the story has been that the movie is supposedly set to have a faux-documentary look to it and lack the original's gothic undertones. That's about like saying you're going to make "Dracula" but with no vampires.

Or "Superman" with no suit, no flight, polar bears and a fight with a giant spider. And that one almost happened.

I both marvel and weep at Hollywood's inability to take a hint.