'Survivor: Gospel Edition?' Mark Burnett to Produce Five-Part Bible Show for The History Channel

It's sort of insane how famous and powerful Mark Burnett has become with so relatively little. Sure, one could say that producing the mega-is-too-small-a-word-for-how-big-it-is-hit show "Survivor" is good enough for any man, and he did help create "The Apprentice," but Mark Burnett's profile does seem to outweigh his actual accomplishments.

But perhaps I'm biased - anyone who has played any part in The People's Choice Awards (for which he served as Executive Producer the last two years) is my sworn enemy.

Nevertheless, Burnett is weilding his considerable power on a mission from God. THR reports that he'll produce a five-part, ten-hour scripted docudrama called simply "The Bible" for The History Channel, telling some of the Bible's most popular stories.

Specifically, they're looking at the story of Noah's Ark, the Exodus, and your standard-issue crucifixion/resurrection of Jesus.

To bring these famous stories to life, they'll be utilizing "state-of-the-art CGI." Because of course The History Channel can afford the same technology used on "Avatar." I'm sure it won't just end up looking like "Spartacus: Blood and Sand."

"This is probably the most important book in mankind, regardless of your beliefs or religious affiliation," History president and general manager Nancy Dubuc told THR in a carefully-worded statement, "This series will bring the historical stories of the Bible to life for a new generation."

There exists, of course, a contingent that believes the Bible doesn't count as a historically authoritative source, and would thus be out of place on The History Channel. To them I say, even if it doesn't count, neither does much of The History Channel's current programming (which now includes "Swamp People," "American Pickers," and "Only in America with Larry the Cable Guy").

"We spend a lot of time talking about this book, and probably not enough time knowing what's in it," Dubuc said, ignoring the fact that they seem to only be telling the stories that everybody already knows, "One of the most important things about history is knowing the stories of history." Cutting insight there, Nancy.

Due to the expense and effort required in making it rain for forty days, among other challenges, don't expect to see the series before 2013.