'Bob's Burgers' Season 3, Episode 13: 'My Fuzzy Valentine' Recap

“Bob's Burgers”: season 3, episode 13: “My Fuzzy Valentine”

At their apartment, the Belcher family celebrates Valentine’s Day. Bob makes Linda a special heart pancake, and Tina reveals she’s too scared to go to school, ever since the St. Valentine’s Day Disaster of last year.

Last year, she received a Valentine’s Day card from her major crush Jimmy Jr., however, instead of “love”, he wrote “from” on it, and it murdered her heart.

Bob tells all the kids they are going to school and drives them. He boasts about the pancakes that morning.

“So, I’d say I knocked it out of the park with your mother this year.”

“More like a swing-and-a-miss.”

“Heart-shaped pancakes is just as bad as a ‘from’.”

“You do the same thing every year, Dad. You need to mix it up!”

Bob thinks Linda loves his hearts. But Linda is just faking it. The kids tell her she deserves something special, and that only kids can do hand-made gifts.

At the restaurant, Linda wallows in her last-minute heart-shaped pancake to Teddy and Mort, but they point out that she has someone at least. They have no one, so Linda has an idea.

“I just got a great idea. I’m gonna find love for both you today. We are gonna do speed dating!”

Bob asks the kids what their mother would like; chocolates, perfume. Louise says their mom was a special porcelain figurine. Bob agrees, but the kids tell him that there are thousands of figurines, and only they know exactly which one their mom wants… And they’ll tell him if he lets them skip school and go to the mall with him.

He takes them to the mall, hoping to wow his wife. He plans to have them back in school by 10 am at the latest.

When they get to the store selling the figurines, he asks which is the one. The kids points to different figurines, and he quickly realizes they have no idea. They just tricked him into getting out of school.

A salesman approaches, and Bob asks to see the cheapest figurine: only $250. He quickly leaves the store.

Back at the restaurant, Linda is kicking off the speed dating and explaining the rules to the participants. They have 60 seconds to fall in love.

In the mall, Bob hits up random kiosks. He finds a cellphone cover that says “MILF” and thinks that’s good enough. The kids tell him that’s a horrible idea, and that he needs to wow her.

Bob recounts their first Valentine’s Day, and how romantic it was: their car broke down on their way to a picnic, so they had to have the picnic in a bar across the street from the mechanic. Inside, they found a love tester machine that said their love was red hot, and Linda kissed him, and that’s when he knew they were in love.

The kids tell him he has to buy her that love tester machine. The kids are excited for the mission to find the love tester. Bob says he should really drop them off at school first, but they convince him otherwise. So they head out to find the dive bar.

In the restaurant, Linda begins the second round of the speed dating: speed handholding. During the round, Sergeant Bosco (voiced by Gary Cole) comes in, looking for a suspect who fled in that general direction. Linda questions him about his love life, and finds he’s single. She urges him to join in the speed dating.

Bob and the kids find the bar, but find the owner sold “Dr. Love’s Love Testometer” a few years ago. Hugo and Ron, the health inspectors, (in a dramatic reveal) tell Bob they knew where it is.

Bob mentions it’s for Linda, and Hugo suddenly forgets where it is, not wanting to help Bob buy Linda’s love. Ron tries to get Hugo to change his mind, but he won’t, and he wishes Bob good luck trying to find it.

Louise tells Bob not to take it lying down, and they have to follow Hugo, since he said he was going to inspect the bar where it’s located later that day.

Bob and the kids tail him, but are thwarted by a red light. Bob tries to cross the red light, but manages to nearly get hit every inch of the way.

Back in the restaurant, Linda’s new game is speed questions. Favorite food, favorite lovemaking position, etc. Sergeant Bosco points out that questions like that won’t work. The people need to say the worst things about themselves, and if the other person can stomach it, then they are compatible. Linda isn’t happy about the lack of romance.

Bob and the kids track Hugo to the Taco Hut, with no luck. Louise urges Bob to steal the itinerary from the van. The kids want to break the window and steal the list, but Ron stops them. He unlocks the door and gives them the list.

They rapid-fire visit the list of restaurant, not finding it. Then they get to the “Drink Dynasty Lounge”, the last place on their list.

Inside, the owner points Bob to the love tester in the corner, but he says he can’t sell it to him because someone already bought it.

Hugo appears from behind the counter. He knew Bob got a copy of the list, so he went there early and bought it. Bob tries to buy it from Hugo, but he will sell it for $500.

In the restaurant, the speed daters continue to reveal all their deep, dark secrets. Linda yells at Sergeant Bosco for being so heartless.

In the bar, Bob buys the love tester for $500, and the kids ask who “BB” is, referring to the initials on the side. Bob realizes he made a horrible mistake; that date wasn’t with Linda.

In the restaurant, Linda switches tracks and has the men give the women foot massages… but Bosco continues to reveal secrets, which doesn’t please Linda. She loses it, and takes Bosco’s gun. Which is illegal.

As Linda is getting arrested, Bob returns with the love tester. He tells her about his failed day.

“So you’re telling me you let the kids play hooky to run all over town to hunt down some expensive thing you remembered from a date we didn’t even go on? That is so romantic!”

Linda declares it the best Valentine’s Day ever.

As Bosco is taking her away, he gets a call that the suspect from before has been spotted, and lets Linda go. Louise called in a false tip.

Jimmy Jr. brings Tina her homework since she missed school, and also a Valentine’s Day card. She opened it with much trepidation, and noticed a “heart” in place of “from”. She cherishes the moment.

Before leaving, Teddy gets one of the women’s numbers, and Linda calls the speed dating a success.