Episode 'Bethenny Ever After' Season 2, Episode 9 - 'Break 'Em Early' Recap

After last week’s nightmarish Thanksgiving episode, I was hoping for a more calm, cool and collected Bethenny. Although that sounds impossible, she was a smidge less neurotic last night (though her neurosis is somewhat endearing.)

For me the highlight of this episode comes in the opening scene. Bethenny has just arrived at the Hilton for her book signing and she is exploring the Presidential Suite when she comes upon a bidet. Realizing that this thing does double duty she gives us the play-by-play on her “cleansing” experience, and I quote, “It gets you every which way but Sunday. I could pass the white glove test.” Nice.

A nipple faux pas in the hallway ads some extra comedy.

Cut to Bethenny and her “ice husband” practicing for the finals of “Skating With the Stars.” A few lifts later and it looks like she’s ready, sort of, for competition.

We learned last episode that Gina, the nanny, was not going to be able to stay much longer, for health reasons so now we have the “I need a new nanny ASAP” dilemma. As Jason and Bethenny discuss their potential new nanny, Skinny Girl Frankel is clearing all the insides out of her bagel. Why eat a bagel then, why not eat ice chips or lettuce?

To say that Bethenny wears the pants in her marriage to Jason would be an understatement, and a gross one at that, but he takes it like a champ. As she plans for her regional speaking tour, Bethenny decides she would like to road trip it. She asks Jason his opinion, not that it matters, but she still gives him a chance to add his two cents. Only road trip disclaimer: Other than baby Bryn, there will be no number 2’s on the RV. Neurosis alert.

When Dawa, the new nanny, arrives Bethenny is having a dialogue with herself, laying down ground rules for the meeting. “I’m not going to be inappropriate, we are going to be nice and normal. We are not going to turn this into a charade. I’m not going to curse nor do anything weird.” Nice try B. She takes Dawa on a whirlwind tour of the apartment. OCD is in full effect.

We find out that the Skinny Girl brand is growing in leaps and bounds. Distribution has ramped up and Jason and the product manager have a sweet little bromance bubbling.

Great news, Dawa the nanny doubles as Dawa the hairdresser. Run for the hills Dawa, you should never have let that little trade secret loose.

You’ve got to love Julie. Her explanation of why the baby must be in a carseat on the road trip and Bethenny’s lack of understanding on the issue is priceless.

Bethenny decides she wants to rent a “mack daddy” house on the beach in Malibu before the holidays. We watch Jason cringe, you can almost hear the dollar signs draining from the bank in his head. Doesn’t he remember the conversation he just had about Skinny Girl taking over the country?

The rest of the episode takes place on the left coast in a pimped out crib on the beach. Can we come?

Takeaways from this episode: Bethenny is a multi-tasking, hands-on mama with a sharp tongue and I love her.

Quotes:

“She is a person. She is a bitch. She is Naomi Campbell meets Lindsay Lohan.” - Bethenny on Cookie

“Your balls are sweating right now.” – Bethenny to Jason referring to renting a house on the beach

“I feel a bout of scurvy coming on. I haven’t had enough citrus fruits. I look like the woman on ‘Shutter Island.’” – Bethenny on being exhausted and overworked.

“I might as well be a 54-year-old man getting plugs with a small dick buying a red Ferrari.” – Bethenny explaining how she tried to fulfill a childhood fantasy by agreeing to do “Skating With the Stars.”

Watch a preview for next week’s episode now: