'Beavis and Butt-Head' Episode Recap, Season 9, Episodes 3 & 4: 'Drones' & 'Holy Cornholio'

If you watched "Beavis and Butt-Head" during the little pecker-woods' first eight seasons, you knew they wouldn't come back without this moment.

You waited. You anticipated. And now, after a mere three weeks back on their old stomping grounds, the darker side of Beavis has returned. He means business . . . . for his bunghole.

But first, there's the business of these two being all they can be. For them, that's not exactly the highest bar of potential, but sometimes Uncle Sam just isn't that picky.

In "Drones," Beavis and Butt-Head join Van Driessen's class for a little field trip to an "Armored Corp" base and America's Dumbest manage to fuel their own international incident. In the kind of snarky commentary by creator Mike Judge on social disconnect that often flies under critics' radars, there's a funny little exchange between Van Driessen and their guide about the military's role today as opposed to during Vietnam. Imagining how this went doesn't take much.

"According to their well-orchestrated propaganda campaign, this is the place where you can 'be all you can be'," Van Driessen passive-aggressively explains to his class. "I know we all think of the Army as a killing machine, but unlike the marauding forces the perpetrated war crimes in Vietnam, today's Army focuses more on peacekeeping and winning hearts and minds."

"No, it's about killing the enemy," corrected Lieutenant Decker. "We actually focus on that quite a bit."

"Well, killing them with kindness..." Van Driessen answered.

"Not so much, really. Mostly with weapons - anything from bayonetts to stinger missles," Decker said.

"Which are only fired in self-defense," Van Driessen vaguely hopes.

"Sometimes. Sometimes, we just kill the bastards in their sleep. Gives us the element of surprise," Decker once more corrected.

Soon, our stalwart heroes tired of looking at the "bare-racks" and go looking for the bathroom, which Butt-Head thinks is called the "mess hall."

During a Deadmaus video, there are smirking references to a couple old favorite characters, as the two try to figure which of their classmates was the one that died that one time. Stewart? "No, he's still alive. We saw him yesterday," Butt-Head said. Beavis guesses that Daria killed herself, until Butt-Head corrects "She didn't kill herself, she just moved away."

Greetings from Lawndale, kids. While they try to find a place where they can "Pee all they can pee," they stumble across a closet-size room where a soldier is paying bills online on a quiet day controlling Middle East drone planes. When he steps off to go score some birthday cake down the hall, the boys slip in and figure they've stumbled across what Beavis deduces to be "'Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas' - with airplanes!" and go looking for "prostitutes."

So of course, they manage first to scatter a shepherd and his sheep - which the two mistake for hookers wearing fur coats.

It's a pain to say this, but that's actually most of the episode's action. Along the way, Butt-Head commandeers another plane. Just as a Peace Corp member is telling a village that they've managed to restore electricity to it, Beavis swoops in and clips the power line, prompting the kid to grumble "I need to go back to college."

During the next music video segment, Beavis talks about the time his mom tried to lose him in an Ikea store so she could party in Vegas with some bikers, but kept getting lost in the store and running into him.

"Then I had to go live with that family - the Fosters?" Beavis remembered.

Ultimately, the videos actually end up being the best parts of this episode. The jokes just include things like the boys mistaking the military time denotation for the game's score and Butt-Head dive-bombing Van Driessen, Decker and their class.

"Guidoes, juice-heads and gorillas - Oh my!" remarked Butt-Head at a "Jersey Shore" segment talking about the various sub-species of "guidos." What follows is our generation's equivalent to "All elephants are grey, but not all grey things are elephants."

"I think, like, all juice-heads are gorillas, but you can be a gorilla and not be a juice-head," Butt-Head explains to a confused Beavis.

"So everybody who's a guido is either a juice-head or a gorilla, and then all the juice-heads are gorillas, but you can be a guido and not be a gorilla or a juice-head - but you could be, too," Beavis supposes.

Be afraid: that actually makes absolute sense.

"So, is Snooki a gorilla?" Beavis asks.

"Damn it, Beavis, you've watched three seasons of this show and you've learned nothing," Butt-Head admonishes.

Much to learn, Grasshopper. Much to learn.

Meanwhile, Butt-Head's still hooker-hunting and comes across a bunch of people under a pink square - pimps, he figures.

Damn the luck: wedding. Happens to everybody playing the game. It's one of series' few design flaws, mistaking a pretentious artist's wedding for a gathering of pimps. And like here, it always leads to the same thing: a military drone plane breaking up the ceremony and destroying the cake.

Wait - or was that the last several "Final Fantasy" games? Those things get so out-there and bizarre sometimes, it could be.

Much assorted mayhem later, the Army gets wise to the mayhem and finally tracks down the culprit. Shame, too: soldier didn't even get to finish his ice cream. To make matters worse . . . the boys never did find their hookers, either. Chin-up, guys. Courage.

But look, let's be honest: this is like sitting through Dane Cook to get to see Robin Williams. Now gather around, stack your Charmin, and pay your homage to "Holy Cornholio."

It all starts with Beavis and Butt-Head torturing a G.I. Joe doll. It's Stewart's, to be specific, and they're of course using his dad's tools. One thing leads to another, and Beavis ends up impaling the action figure on a the screw (through its ass) between his hands. As Stewart has a breakdown, and the two chuckle about how it's not the first time Beavis has "screwed his hand," the two make for the hospital.

At the hospital, Beavis fortuitously gets an examination room close to one where cultists have gathered around the death bed of their "Beloved" as their leader slips from life, just as he's explaining how they'll know when he has been reincarnated. Next door, Beavis some pills to dull the pain in his hands after having the screw removed. But these are no ordinary prescription medications.

No, these tend to cause hyperactivity.

Oh, no. As the two wander off with Beavis downing pills like M&Ms, the mumbling starts. Then they walk past cultists with their arms raised and chanting.

For You-Know-Who, that might as well be the Bat-signal.

A couple is sharing their thoughts on naming their new-born son with a nurse. Suddenly . . .

"I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO! YOU WILL NAME YOUR BABY 'BUNGHOLIO'! Is he an albino?"

Later, in the lobby, Cornholio continues his prophecies of the greatness of the almight bunghole when the gathered cultists believe he is speaking in tongues - conspicuously, right in line with the prophecy of the return of their "Beloved." Therefore, the Great Cornholio must be their new messiah. It's minutes later that he and his "prophet," Butt-Head, are loaded into a white van and whisked away.

Back at the cult's compound, the cultists begin gathering their savior's TP. They string it from trees. They stack it before him. But nothing satisfies the Almighty Bunghole. Oh, and he's also running low on pills. The cultists reach the only logical conclusion: he needs a good cleansing. The young women are to prepare their bodies.

As the cultists gather, Cornholio leads them in the chant of the ALMIGHTY BUNGHOLIOOOOOOOOO!

"I HAVE NO BUNGHOOOOOOOLE!"

But soon, he fades. The sacred Shroud of Metallica slips from his head, and he mumbles "I'm tired" as he and Butt-Head start wandering off. After begging that he stay for the Great Cleansing, the attractive young cultist strips down, joins her fellow young women and marvels at what endurance Cornholio and his prophet must possess, figuring they'll be back.

"This place sucks," Butt-Head declares, as they leave.

It was for the best, ladies.