'Beavis and Butt-Head' Episode Recap, Season 9, Episode 5 - 'Supersize Me' and 'Bathroom Break'

Sunday is God’s day. That’s cool. Thursdays at 10 PM ET/PT? That’s Beavis’ time.

Welcome, ladies, gentlemen and others, to the fifth episode in the triumphant return of “Beavis and Butt-Head” to a network that had no idea how much it really needed these two.

This week, the little man-children’s misadventures follow a somewhat natural progression: first, they get “supersized” for love; then, as always follows the supersize, comes the “Bathroom Break.”

“Supersize Me” has the boys on a fast-food-only diet because they somehow believe their perpetual curse of virginity can be explained in the difference between their chosen Way of the Scrawny-Ass and the Way of the Lard-Ass the pair have somehow avoided  despite spending nine seasons dining almost exclusively on nachos and the odd large soda.

It all begins with the 14 years these two spent apparently in an ageless stasis catching up with them, as they first learn of the exploits of Morgan Spurlock and his 2004 phenomenon documentary “Super Size Me.”

Of course, Spurlock’s message gets a bit lost in translation, as Beavis and Butt-Head see Spurlock attending a red-carpet event with a busty blonde upon his arm, recognize him as merely some guy who spent 30 days eating only McDonald’s, and figure that’s as simple as the connection need be.

“Once you’re famous—“ begins Butt-Head.

“You get to eat more!” Beavis interrupts excitedly.

“No, dumb-ass. You get chicks,” Butt-Head corrects his young padawan.

Meanwhile, back on the Couch of Justice . . . Butt-Head mistakes “Teen Cribs” for “16 And Pregnant.”

“Maybe ’13 And Pregnant’?” Beavis instead guesses. And really, why not make either show? Sure, MTV has always exploited the stupid – if not in casting their reality shows, then in actually airing them and essentially telling the network’s viewers “We’re pretty sure this is the level of intelligence to which you most easily rate.”

The only difference being, at least Beavis and Butt-Head are kind of in on the joke, instead of the people participating and watching quickly becoming the joke.

Elsewhere . . . It’s “Day 1.” At Burger World, the boys are chowing down and counting their poon-tang before they’ve scored it. Beavis is apparently “four burgers, three fries and six milkshakes” into the Better Living Without Dignity Diet when he tell Butt-Head he “doesn’t feel so good.”

“Good. More chicks for me,” consoles his hetero life-mate.

By Day 7, whatever lines of demarcation where the pair’s necks ended and their chins began are evaporating, and Beavis is actually asking “Why are we doing this, again?” presumably for reasons that this time have nothing to do with that time Beavis battering-rammed a wall with his cranium re-enacting a “Robocop” moment.

After reminding Beavis that it’s all for the noble pursuit of financial stability and amorous monkeyshines, Butt-Head declares that greasy provisions are running low. They jump behind the counter and offer to clean the grill wage-free, in exchange for some gratis grub.

By Day 15, they’re clamped into desks in Van Driessen’s class looking like they’ve each swallowed a planet, the broken bodies of decimated burgers and fries littering a two-foot radius around their desks. That’s when Van Driessen tries layeth the hippie-slap down and tell them that they can’t get their grub on mid-class.

Au contraire, says Butt-Head.

“We’re eating at Burger World for a month so we can get famous,” Butt-Head says, as always, not even trying to lie.

When Beavis the Hutt makes the Morgan Spurlock comparison, Van Driessen is of course obliviously intrigued. “Of course! You’re taking on Corporate America to expose a very important issue to your generation.”

“Uh, yeah,” Butt-Head rolls with Van Driessen’s cock-eyed optimism.

When another student wonders if this opens up all students to mid-lecture lunch, Van Driessen says that only Beavis and Butt-Head can chow down, as long as it’s in the name of social experimentation.

Butt-Head handles his exceptional treatment with grace.

“We’re eating in front of you,” he tells his peers.

“Yeah, and you can’t have any!” Beavis chimes in. Van Driessen even enlists another student to film the whole “experiment” and make a semester service project of it.

Of course, the two make no bones to the camera about being all about stacking that cheddar – probably atop a KFC Double-Down covered with gravy and failure sauce – as the student scrambles for a wider-angle lens to cram the basketball-shaped pair into the shot together.

Meanwhile, in the Hall of Greasy Fail, Burger World brass are gathered around a flat-screen watching clips from the project that they’ve obtained via Mike-Judge-Wrote-It-That-Way Ex Machina. They’re so appalled and fearing for the horrible publicity they face, that they’re ready to make for Highland to stop the poorly thought-out diet before it drags Burger World down with the rotund retards.

Mid-flight, we’re back on the Couch of Bad Ideas, and apparently just off the turnpike, because Beavis and Butt-Head are back on “Jersey Shore,” where Butt-Head quips that “they’re trying to make gelato look exciting.”

But when Beavis wonders whether Snooki’s gelato parlor co-worker is a foreigner or a “guido,” it’s another existential debate like last week’s pondering of whether, though all juice-heads are gorillas, it can be assumed that all gorillas are juiceheads.

“I don’t think they have foreign guidos,” Butt-Head said. It’s all revolving around Snooki’s detailed checklist to pick out a marriage-material man.

“I have a checklist, too: she has to have at least one boob . . . she has to be a girl . . . and she can’t be my mom,” Mr. Beavis Darcy explains.

“I have the same list. But it, like, includes your mom,” Butt-Head tells Beavis. Advantage: Butt-Head, for being less picky.

Back in Highland, the boys look like rotund caricatures of the pinhead twins in Tod Browning’s “Freaks” when they’re ambushed by the Burger World suits – who have come armed with unlimited gift cards to Taco Yummo.

Later, at the offices of Taco Yummo, the Taco Yummo executives are watching footage obtained via the wonders of Mike-Judge-Badger-Don’t-Give-A-Shit of the pair chowing down on their delicious Americanized Mexican cuisine and realizing this is a buck that shan’t be passed.

Except, apparently, to Weiner Shack.

“Teen obesity kicks ass,” proclaims Butt-Head.

In the short span of the time it takes to play that Jennifer Lopez Fiat ad on MTV.com, the boys are back in the flyweight division and it’s time for a “Bathroom Break” after all that congealed, greasy fail.

The pair are back to jockeying the counter at Burger World and Beavis is pissed that Butt-Head decided to start Occupy The Toilet while he dealt with a line of unruly, hungry diners. But Butt-Head has the mother of all epiphanies.

“I’m at work, but I wasn’t working. I just got paid to take a dump,” he said, putting one piece after another together.

Yep, it’s the idea more than a few of us wish we’d once thought of: they decide to just make work one lengthy bathroom break.

“Maybe they’d pay us to go pee, too!” Beavis wonders. Dream big, young man.

Soon, trouble arises, and it has nothing whatsoever to do with the lines at the register or in the drive-thru; nope, it’s all about Butt-Head not giving up the toilet so Beavis can sit. The problem is solved quickly, though, as Beavis simply cops a squat in the urinal. Incredibly, even the customer problem solves itself as people just get tired of waiting and leave.

It’s somewhat amazing how much sense this actually almost makes – as long as one has no barriers of pride or dignity. They made it back behind the counter for about a minute, but then along comes a mother and toddler. Sorry, lady. Nature’s calling, and you’re on hold.

Soon, the cunning plan evolves: Butt-Head gets so sick of people attempting to use the bathroom, that he tells Beavis just to lock the door.

“How are we supposed to earn a living?” he wonders.

Once more, a line starts piling up outside and inside. Soon, it’s lunchtime and Beavis takes an order.

Yep. He takes a woman’s order, and carries it right into the bathroom as she yells at him to get his addled ass back there and make her a sammich.

Now, you’ve wondered by now no doubt, where is the manager during all this? Well, we get an answer: finally, after hours of this, we learn he’s been in his office the entire time. It’s finally the one woman’s yelling that gets him out there to find the line of customers ready to let this mother burn.

He also finally checks the bathroom and finds the two, um, “squatting,” pardon the pun.

“I think the food here gave us diarrhea,” Beavis said.

Just as the manager is telling them that he doesn’t care if they’re each taking a projectile Number-Two and to get back to work or get out, a labor-relations attorney comes along and says the magic words: the law says their bathroom breaks may take as long as needed.

That being said, it’s the boys back in the john and Manager McAngrykins back behind the register. And really needing to go.

And go, he does – behind the dumpster, and right in front of a passing cop. Suffice to say, he was pissed.