'American Idol' Season 11, Episode 5 Recap - Good and Bad of Houston

The gang is in Houston this week, which means of course that the show is taking the whole NASA angle. We get a little intro from the International Space Station, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that astronauts have too much free time and probably get very bored up there. Why else would they be reading cue cards for this show?

On a side note, though, I would totally watch a show called "Space Idol." Make it happen, Fox. I know you have the money for it.

OH, okay, so then there's this: they're not even in Houston. They're in Galveston. LIARS. And since there's nothing interesting about Galveston, they quietly get to the contestants.

Good:

Skylar Laine is billed as a tough southern girl, introduced to us while she's aiming down a rifle and then riding on a four-wheeler. She has a fairly effortless country style that wins the judges over. Her sister comes in to hug Steven, and the novelty of people being overly excited about him seems to be wearing off quickly.

Bailey Brown has been turrned down before, five years ago. She made it through and went to Hollywood Week, but then got booted after forgetting the words. So now that she's 21 and not 16, and we're in season 11 and not season six, and the talent pool is considerably thinner, of course she's getting through again.

Kristine Osorio is 28, which is the cutoff age for this particular show. If she doesn't make it, she'll have to try out for (gasp!) "The X Factor" or "The Voice." God forbid, right? She sings strongly, and gets her votes.

We see Cortez Shaw after a brief segment talking about JLo's midriff, which is a silly use of airtime but still damn, woman looks pretty good. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Cortez. He sings "Someone Like You" nicely and gets his yeses.

Ramiro Garcia was born without ears. Literally, no ears. So through surgery, he gained the ability to hear. He sings "Amazing Grace" and it's fine. Not overwhelming. But you can bet with a backstory like "I was born without ears," he's going through. Steven says "I like your insides." Despite that, it's still a nice moment outside the room with his family.

Bad:

Entirely too much time is spent on Phong Vu, who makes little sense and seems to be pretending to cry, or maybe actually crying, or oh who cares let's just hear some people who can actually sing, please.

I'm reading about 12 minutes into this show and we still haven't heard anyone who doesn't suck, and we're treated to a montage of more terrible people.

Dissention in the ranks! We get a montage of singers that JLo can't seem to agree with Randy and Steven on. When she likes them, the boys don't, and vice versa. Frankly, none of them were all that great.

Alejandro Cazares is another terrible singer, but then gets on his knees and begs after he is told no, and has to be escorted off the stage. Also his tongue is blue. Has he been eating FunDip all day? Boy. That was not only painful, but I think they took that entire segment, commercial to commercial, to focus entirely on Alejandro. That's ten minutes I will never get back. I could have paid my pills. I could have made ten bags of 1-minute rice. I could have done anything other than watch that.