'American Idol' Season 11, Episode 3 Recap - Singin' on a Military Vessel

Well East Coasters, did you stick around after the football game to watch "American Idol?" Did you even remember it was on at a special time on Sunday night? Do you even care about this season or the audition round? Regardless, here's what happened:

The gang is in San Diego for this new round of auditions, but rather than their usual "let's set up a crappy set in a convention center hallway," they're holding the thing on the U.S.S. Midway, an aircraft carrier.

Looks to me like somebody saw the sets on "The X Factor" and decided "Idol" needed to go big this year. Really big. And also get some contestants in there willing to show off their boobs! But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The only thing that would make this intro more ridiculous would be the music from "Top Gun"... oh, there it is. Yep. "Danger Zone."

But there's a moment of truth in the preamble to day two that makes Steven Tyler my new favorite person: "I can't wait for 400 people to sing the same Adele song for four f***ing hours!" he exclaims. Ha!

Okaaaaaay, let's just get straight to the contestants, shall we?

The Good:

Ashley Robles is a 26-year-old single mom/DJ/insurance something or other. The fact that she gets an intro without being ridiculed leads us to expect that she'll at least be good. But she kills "I Will Always Love You" and is one to watch out for.

Jayrah Gibson apparently doesn't know how English works, but he can beatbox and sing pretty well. It's very difficult to tell if Randy is "feeling it" or just out and out mocking him when he comes in, but the judges end up loving him.

Aubree Diekmeyer (or something) seems very put together, but then she starts talking and keeps saying she wants to be "America's Next Top Model." Lucky for her, she sings really nicely with a soft, pleasant tone and excellent control. She will prove to be annoying down the road. Mark my words.

Speaking of annoying, Ali Shields is entirely too desperate for attention. She giggles all over the place, then comes in and raps and "ghetto dances" as Randy eggs her on and JLo looks exasperated. Then she calms the f**k down and starts singing, and she's actually really good. Son of a bitch, we have to deal with these people later?

Kyle Crews goes to Cal Berkeley and serenades all the coeds with his supposedly amazing voice. He decides to sing "Angel of Mine" because apparently he's the only man in America who didn't want that song to die along with the 90's. Steven calls him the "best male voice we've heard yet." Randy tells him to "work on the look." Ha.

Jane Carrey drops a bomb on us when she informs us that she's Jim Carrey's daughter. She performs nicely, then gets Jim on the phone, who is very sweet and proud of her and stuff. It's kinda nice.

Equipment mechanic Wolf (yeah, he goes by Wolf... his real name is Jason Hamlin but I'm calling him Wolf, dammit) has a guitar made by his late father. He sings Creedence Clearwater Revival and follows it up with Johnny Cash. He's not the best singer, but he's unique and more of a rocker, so he gets the go-ahead. He nearly tears the entire set apart in excitement, and now I like him.

The Bad:

Jennifer Diley, who is a sushi bar waitress, decides to be "patriotic" by wearing daisy dukes and a bikini top. The entertaining part is Seacrest making her walk up the stairs a few times. The less entertaining part is her singing, which is weak. Not horrible and off-key, but weak. Can we love to see her leave and love to watch her go?

Everyone acts tremendously surprised when their essentially outdoor shoot in a harbor near an airport is interrupted by extraneous noise. Shocker. But it does provide an opportunity for a montage of terrible singers and Steven pretending to swear at them.