'American Idol' Season 11, Episode 14 Recap - 'Semifinalist Boys Perform'

The evening begins with Seacrest going down the line of contestants like a drill sargeant with an expensive haircut and a lifetime supply of Crest Whitestrips. When he gets to the end, he gives his "This... is American Idol!" line, and Heejun mouths it behind him, directly into the camera, and I love him even more. I have never voted in a reality show ever, but I will vote for Heejun until my fingers bleed.

Seacrest says that Randy Jackson is "lookin' slick," but it looks more like he has pinned pieces of your grandmother's tablecloth to a shirt with a collar designed for a giraffe.

It looks like each contestant is going to get his own clip package that he supposedly shot himself. We start out with Reed Grimm, who has two adorable nieces. He still seems like he's a little unhinged. He's even stranger when he starts a lounge-singer version of "Moves Like Jagger," and straight up gets bleeped during it. He goes at least a minute before stepping over to some conveniently placed drums. What's the over/under on how many songs Reed plays drums on this season?

Reed's microphone pack drops out, and he shows us his name taped to the bottom. Can't tell if he's a great showman or just insane. The judges all loved it, and Steven starts things off right with a string of comments that make little sense, and are tremendously uncomfortable.

Crybaby Adam Brock is up next, and we get to meet his lovely family. Again. He actually has a pretty nice house and everything. I am rooting for him less now. Adam sings "Think" by Aretha Franklin, because apparently he's really committing to this "white chocolate" thing. Nobody's going to vote for him, right?

The judges love it. Obviously. Will we hear a single negative comment tonight? I'm putting $10 on "no." There is talk of chocolate, and Randy attempts to make a joke. Once again, uncomfortable.

DeAndre Brackensick is the next to sing, but not before his rather bland clip package. He launches into Earth Wind and Fire's "Reasons," of course, because he has to sing 70's slow funk or nothing will make sense. Listen, the dude can sing high, but I can't say I enjoy listening to it.

The judges love it, times TWO. Randy thinks DeAndre is a "commercial guy, out of the box, ready to go RIGHT NOW." I disagree. But I'm not a pro like Randy Jackson.

Colton Dixon still has that haircut that would have Pepe LePew mistaking him for a rather attractive lady skunk. He tells us he's going to "shock a few people" because they're used to seeing him at a piano. Then he starts off, and he's at a piano. LET THE SHOCKING BEGIN. He doesn't pick up another instrument, rather he just stands up from the piano, and then stands up on top of the piano. I guess the shock is that he sings a Paramore song and rocks out a bit, which might be a shock if we knew anything about this guy or his musical style, but we don't, really.

Randy fancies Colton an "indie alt rocker." I don't know if Paramore can be called "indie," but the man has a point: at least it's not another annoying poppy pop song or country ballad.

Jeremy Rosado is the first contestant to sit there and yap while the giant Coca-Cola logo dances behind him. He shows us his job at the infectious disease clinic, which is less exciting than it sounds. Then he sings a Sara Bareilles song, "Gravity," a little weakly. JLo and Steven still do their "this is really great" faces, bless them.

The judges love it! We could save a lot of time by skipping this whole bit. Blessedly, Seacrest brings up a still on the screen of JLo and Steven's "this is really great" face.

Steven makes a jab at JLo's supposed nipple slip at the Oscars, which means that right as we launch into Aaron Marcellus' clip package, JLo yells "THERE WAS NO NIPPLE!" Aaron sings "Never Can Say Goodbye," and does fine with it, but I'm a little bored by it. The last note is impressive.

The judges love it, with a standing ovation! Everyone's on their feet, and I think it's only for the last note. Randy calls him an "old-school veteran," which on this show means being older than 22.

On to Chase Likens, who is in the theater department at Marshall University. He also whistles. That's about it for Chase. Way to have a personality. Of course, he doesn't need a personality, because he's a country singer. It seems like maybe his song choice is a little low for him or something, because it's lacking in clarity. Then he does this little kick turn and I think he kicks some girl's hand.

The judges love it! Steven makes a mummy pun, and the silence from the audience is deafening. Not even his fellow judges will toss him a chuckle.

Creighton Fraker is next, and he talks about how he's the son of a preacher and he grew up in a small southern tow. He says "I didn't fit in there," and talks about how you can "be a little different" in New York, and we all know we mean he's talking about the fact that he's gay, but that is never discussed on this show for some reason. If that wasn't enough for people to get it, he sings "True Colors."

The judges love it! Nobody makes any mention of the message behind it. In fact, the judges seem to hint that he'll be going home, as they all mention "six of you have to go home." Randy talks about "the backstories and the full image" of the contestants. It's all a little accusatory.

Georgia boy Phillip Phillips is next, and he mentions his discomfort with filming himself for the clip package. He does a slow, growling version of "In the Air Tonight," which seems kinda pointless without the drum solo, but he manages to wail a bit and will probably go through on looks anyway.

The judges love it! Randy ALMOST says something negative, but then backtracks and only manages to turn that into a half-criticism of "stick to the melody more."

Eban Franckewicz's video is more like a dating profile. He's also wearing a t-shirt that says SWAG in big, neon green letters. He sings "Set Fire to the Rain," and I begin wondering if there will be any female songs left for the girls. He still has a nice, clean tone but I still think he's weak.

The judges mostly love it! Randy does say "it wasn't all perfect, there were some flat notes in the middle," and JLo says it "sounded unsure." Steven tells him to "listen to some blues records." Not sure what that means.

It's Heejun Han time! He has his mom do a victory dance for his move to the top 24, and he says "she's going to kick me in the head." Heejun also works with kids with developmental disabilities. Is there any reason NOT to vote for this guy? Heejun sings "Angel" and does a fine job with it. He tends to cut his notes a little short, but that can be fixed.

The judges love it! But they don't think it was the right song for him. He explains the choice with a little speech about how everyone has an angel at their back. Cute.

Joshua Ledet, Louisiana boy, misses crawfish. He sings a Jennifer Hudson song, and it's one of the few performances tonight that I'm legitimately impressed by. Maybe because we haven't seen a ton of Joshua thus far? Anyway, he has terrific control and range. He may be too churchy to go all the way, but I would be very surprised if he didn't make it past the semis.

The judges love it! They're on their feet for that one. "I just wanna punch you, I don't know what to do with you!" says Jennifer. In a good way.

Time for the big reveal as to who the 13th contestant is... and it's Jermaine Jones! I'm legitimately happy to see him back, though mostly because it's NOT Richie or Johnny, who were both assholes. Jermaine is at Seacrest's eye level only when he's sitting down, a few feet behind him. Unfortunately he sings "Dance With My Father," which certainly didn't work in the finals last year for that other kid whose name I don't remember. See? He clearly didn't make much of an impact with it.

The judges love it! It may not be enough to make him not be one of the seven going home, though. Which would be sad, because he'll have to go home twice.

So that does it for the boys. Who has your vote?