Archie Comics Publications Co-CEO Sued Over 'Penis!'-Screaming Outbursts
by Sean Comer
Please allow me a moment before proceeding with this story. This is to be savored. The combination of words I am about to type, I will probably never have a chance to use in this way in a story ever again.
*Deep breath* And . . . . . . go.
TMZ reports that the co-CEO of Archie Comics Publications Nancy Silberkleit faces a legal action brought against her by her own company in New York because of repeated office tirades spent pointing at employees and screaming "PENIS, PENIS, PENIS, PENIS!"
Wait a second. That's not a completely fair account. During one alleged 2010 instance, she apparently also screamed, and I quote: "My balls hurt."
In 2009, she at one point stormed a meeting, pointed at each attendee, screamed "PENIS, PENIS, PENIS, PENIS!" and then walked out.
An outside firm hired by Archie Comics recommended that the company immediately cut her loose after the repeated incidents of (hilarious) sexual harrassment and bullying. Archie Comics now also wants an injunction barring her from returning to the office - and representing the famous brand of funny books at the upcoming San Diego Comic-Con later this month.
In the name of all that is right and just, this is not an injunction that can stand. It simply cannot.
These incidents prove that there is absolutely no breathing carbon-based lifeform walking the Earth that should represent Archie Comics EXCEPT this woman. She must have a media entourage with her every moment of SDCC, capturing her every captivating breath for posterity. She must be made a surprise special guest at MTV's panel previewing the return of "Beavis & Butt-head."
Dear Lord, people, this woman must be introduced to Stan Lee!
Why? Because I am a selfish entertainment blogger whose purpose on this Earth can only be satisfied by one day writing right here at Yidio, "Archie Comics Publications co-CEO Nancy Silberkleit was ejected from the San Diego Comic Con this afternoon after repeatedly screaming 'PENIS, PENIS, PENIS, PENIS!' at legendary Marvel Comics creator Stan Lee."