How to Make Sure Your Script Never Ever Gets Made Into a Movie

This is sad, hilarious and cautionary, all in one story.

I really do love my job.

I will be sorely disappointed if this doesn't one day make it into a plot on "The Simpsons." I'm not completely convinced the idea wasn't lifted from one of the "Tiny Toon Adventures" stories where Plucky Duck tries to sell a script in Tinseltown. Apparently, some writer thought that he could engineer some major Hollywood mover/shaker or another into stumbling across a briefcase containing his script.

The idea, the Los Angeles Times explained, was apparently that someone would find the abandoned briefcase at a Beverly Hills talent agency, read his script, love it and make contact with him to get the story green-lit faster than an "Arrested Development" movie rumor can find legs.

It didn't work quite as planned.

Oh, someone found the briefcase - a security guard. He made off with it, too....straight to an alley, after which he called the police and informed them he believed he'd found a bomb.

People saw the script, too. They saw it detonated by a bomb squad, along with the would-be screenwriter's laptop.

There's an upside, though: the writer now has something he can write home about. There's already a great story behind why he was detained by police for questioning and released. He was probably also informed by police about the several complaints the agency made about his perpetual harrassment prior to the hair-brained stunt.

Cheer up, though, laddy-buck. I have a friend who understands you. He understands you way too well.

What? You expected maybe Mr. Sulu?