Lindsay Lohan in the Awesomely Bad Trailer for 'The Canyons'
by Shannon Keirnan
Why this is a thing escapes me, but here it is.
If you’ve been dying for some more Lindsay Lohan news, then here you go. Happy Thanksgiving. I present to you the laughably bad teaser trailer for her newest flick, “The Canyons.”
What the heck is “The Canyons?” Well, it’s directed by Paul Schrader and written by Bret Easton Ellis, and aside from Lindsay Lohan, it stars porn star James Deen in his break-out role that doesn’t seem like that much of a stretch for a porn star, honestly.
“It’s not The Hills… THE CANYONS is a contemporary L.A. noir from director Paul Schrader, writer Bret Easton Ellis, and producer Braxton Pope about the dangers of sexual obsession and ambition, both personally and professionally, among a group of young people in their 20’s and how one chance meeting connected to the past unravels all of their lives, resulting in deceit, paranoia, cruel mind games and ultimately violence.”
Huh?
The trailer, in black and white and shot with 1950’s melodrama, hints that Lindsay Lohan, who plays “a sensuous woman” named Tara, knows that she is being used for something evil. Torn between two loves, Christian (played by Deen) and Ryan (played by Nolan Funk), Lohan as Tara weeps, gasps, drives, and looks lingeringly out the window, as appropriate in such a self-aware and overly ridiculous film of this sort.
“I guess I’d like to keep some parts of my life private,” Tara quips.
So, it’s not just the acting that’s bad. The dialogue looks terrible too. So terrible I watched it twice, because I’m pretty sure that somewhere in this flick, there’s a really amazing drinking game just waiting to happen.