Amanda Bynes Hit With Two Hit-And-Run Counts

Does anybody else remember that time in the early 2000s when fresh-faced Nickelodeon alum Amanda Bynes looked to have her wheels on the fast track to becoming Hollywood's next Lindsay Lohan-style breakout story?

Who wants to be the first to admit this wasn't what anyone hoped that meant?

Los Angeles County prosecutors on Wednesday slapped the former star of Nickelodeon's "All That" and "The Amanda Show" with two misdemeanor hit-and-run charges, and TMZ reports Bynes now could face upward of a year in jail time.

Now kids, whip out those Star-to-Regular-Folk jail time converters, and tell us below how that breaks down. Running off the Hilton-Lohan Scale as a baseline, we estimate that the time she'd be booked until the time she's escorted out the door doesn't amount to much more than one singing of "Call Me, Maybe."

Like Lohan, a mobile triage unit and All State agent should follow wherever Bynes is behind the wheel. The 26-year-old racked up an incredible three vehicular incidents in about a month, then a fourth on Aug. 5. It all started with an April 6 DUI that concluded with Bynes rear-ending a police cruiser. Four days later, she allegedly crashed a rented BMW into a car on the San Fernando Valley's 101 Freeway. In that instance, the struck driver gave chase before Bynes escaped after blowing through a red light.

Unfortunately, Miss "Live Fast, Burn Out Young and Leave A Bedraggled Mugshot" didn't make her getaway before the driver got her plate number. Bynes was later brought in for and picked out of a lineup after police identified the plates as belonging to Bynes' rental.

A month after that, the demolition derby wasn't yet even in top-gear. This time, Bynes was allegedly driving a Range Rover in West Hollywood when she side-swiped a fellow motorist. The man she hit called the cops, who then gave chase. When they finally flagged her down, Bynes claimed she had no idea she'd hit anybody. The cars were damaged so little, that nobody pursued charges.

By her Aug. 5 incident - once more, in the San Fernando Valley - Bynes had learned enough to stop when her Beamer struck a Toyota Corolla. Unfortunately, Bynes decided the called-for course of action was a failed attempt to push the Toyota's dent back out before refusing to give the other driver her insurance information and driving off.

If Disney and Pixar ever come together to tell their version of "The Amanda Bynes Story," it won't be complete without Owen Wilson voicing her Beamer and "Carmina Burana" playing every time she puts her key in the ignition.

Bynes is due back in court to address the charges on Sept. 27. On behalf of everyone here at Yidio, we pray she takes a bus.